Channel the Yoda

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

HIDING IS FOR WEENIES

Tampa, Florida 9/28/2011


3:15 p.m. I’m on standby.

My family flew earlier on the flight I was scheduled to be on. I grabbed my aunt’s purse on accident when leaving—believing it to be my mother’s purse. I don’t know why. Sometimes we just do things…but for what reason?

Is it chance or choice?

Now I’m in an airport—waiting on standby to go back to a life that’s not terrible, awful or even mundane. It’s a pretty decent life.

Yet I still sit here thinking…”I can catch a plane anywhere. Here is the chance Nerissa!“

Catch a plane to Prague. Find Paul! Say hi and sing “Islands in the Stream” again in a Czech restaurant, drunk off beer and wine.

I have my passport. I brought 2 of my credit cards which are clear of all debt.

Go! Go! Why not?

Why not disappear into the world like you’ve always longed to? It’s not like you have anyone waiting for you to come home.

That’s a lie. I have two roommates who are desperate to get me back to them, Squirrel who probably can’t wait to ignore me for a week for my absence, a party in 3 days to celebrate life with friends and family, YET, I’m torn.

I’M FREAKING TORN!

One neck with a pitchfork and halo whispers, "Just leave Nerissa. So easy.”

There will be no goodbye parties that always get me in the end. No Tommy’s to say “You will shine.” No Mum’s to hug me tightly or explanations to the world as to why I bolted—why I said, “Screw it! Let’s do this.”

With no planning, no thought except a need to see the world and no more SCHEDULING!

And let me tell you, Tao says, stop forcing it, just go with it and within that you’ll find your way/path. I read that in the airport gift shop about an hour ago.

Is ditching it all right now—this very moment, going with the Tao?!

Adventure, leaps of faith, trust in the idea of living but most of all, I want to touch the earth and I want it to touch me back. I want to feel. And when I’m home I do feel but mostly jammed, confused, tired, and well, alone.

I know it’s me that creates this lonely barrier to the world. I know it’s me afraid of the judgment.

So many were angry at me, with me, for moving to Chile. They couldn’t understand why I would I just check out. And I gave them no other answer then, “Because I can.”

“What are you going to do down there? Don’t you want to get married? Is there a guy? There must be a guy? A job? A church? Volunteering? You don’t?! Then what are doing? Why are you doing this? It’s crazy! You are crazy. And selfish. Won’t your family miss you? Your friends? What’s the point? It just sounds dumb. When are you going to settle down, Nerissa?”

It took me little time to realize that all the questions and fears that were being hurtled at me had nothing to do with me—it was a reflection of them.

It was still a beat down.

But because of that ditch to Chile, I’ve finally gotten over feeling like a failure because I refused to settle down to the white picket fence life, with supper at 6 pm, and television for the night.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s just not right for me.

I can still have children and get married even if I don’t fit within the constraints of normalcy…right?

I guess asking that question is moot because I can’t be anything more then what I am and what I am is outside normalcy and probably consistency. And if I want to have children or get married that perspective needs to be shared…well the damn kids don’t get a choice. But the husband does.

Heed my warning of be aware of who you are marrying. And please choose not too, if change in me is what you hope will occur.

Ah! Back to the conundrum.

DO I PICK A DIFFERENT PLANE—CHANGE MY COURSE? If chance (fate) got me here to this point, is it choice that redirects the path? Does my path need to be changed? And is this the time to change it?

I have an answer for one of the questions.

Yes, my path needs to be redirected. In fact, I’ve been in that process for the last 2 years. Fixing, changing, moving on, opening doors, smacking shut those worth none, and facing for the first time who I am.

I don’t know why I’ve been hiding from me so long but it’s about time I peeked out and said, “HELLO!”

It’s 4:30. I’ve got less than an hour to figure out if I should hop a plane to Europe. So, I’m going to lie on the floor of the airport.

4:45 p.m. Okay, I laid on the floor. I just love the floor. When you look up, it’s different perspective.

Anyway, I still don’t have the answer.

But I did think about what my last ex-boyfriend said when we broke up.

“You are afraid to be loved.”

He also called me selfish. There were some other things jumbled in there that were completely reflective but maybe he’s right about some things. And maybe catching a plane to Prague RIGHT NOW and wandering the world alone, is just running away.

And running away is selfish as stated by my last therapist.

I don’t want to run away. I want to embrace not hide.

Hiding is for weenies.

Okay, so I’m not saying that I won’t wander the world, but now, RIGHT NOW, is not the right time. There are things, events, situations, even people that need to be reckoned with at home.

There is a party. A life party that needs to be thrown and no, there is no person waiting for me to come home, but there is a cat named Samoa aka Squirrel who would probably like to suffocate me with love and then lick her butt on my bed just to piss me off—CAUSE SHE KNOWS I HATE IT!

Life isn’t bad. Life is good.

But to keep it good, I have to keep wondering, wandering, questioning, dreaming, doing, facing but most of all believing that what I choose to do is what is right for me and my life, cause it’s mine to live.

So, no Prague. Not today.

But maybe tomorrow.

5:00 p.m.

PS--If I don't get my buttocks to that ticket agent I may not make it on this darn-tooting flight and this whole conundrum takes on a whole new perspective as in, "Who is going to drive to Tampa to pick up Nerissa?"

Anyone?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

JUST JUMP IN

The Gulf of Mexico is warm and salty.

I know because we jumped in it at 8 pm with all our clothes on.

Why? Because we can, we could, and you know what, WE SHOULD!

It felt right.

The sun was setting, the sky red, and the stars peeking.

My body bounced between waves in a salty gulf, melting into a setting day of life.

It's how every day should end.

Living.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

"GERMANTOWN, SNOW? and 3 AMIGOS" Chile Journals Christmas!

DECEMBER 25TH LAGO RANCO

I have the flu. F---!. Alka-Seltzer. My mum used to pack me full of it whenever I had the flu and luckily I brought down 2 boxes—just for moments like this… and moments of hangover, indigestion and other various elements. It gets this old girl moving.


And now we are moving on a bus to VALDIVIA! I think it’s about 2 hours away.


Today, before we left LAGO RANCO, we caught a local bus to some waterfalls. It was on an older gentleman’s land—his own personal scenery. He charged “Un Mill” or two dollars to see the waterfalls.

The railings and steps down were totally steep and you just kinda slid your feet down it.


The waterfalls themselves were a sight—not specifically to fly to Chile’ to see, but they were pretty.


There was a picnic area at the waterfalls where the gentleman served food. The food he offered I’m pretty sure was whatever he had in his own fridge. Worked for us. I mean hell, it was Christmas.


I had instant coffee. Whenever I find out it’s Nescafe I say, “Quiero café fuerte por favor.” I want strong coffee please and then flex my arm.


He brought the whole container where I proceeded to fill 1/3 of my cup full of flaky instant café.


He had chickens, dogs and KITTENS! I almost stole this orange kitty but he ran fast and hard from me.


On Christmas Eve K and I made a huge pasta meal with marinara to symbolize Christmas because well, it's red?


We also picked up some Christmas KUCHEN as I call it!

It wasn’t different than any other Kuchen except that we were eating it on Christmas and I think it should be a new, freaking tradition—A TRADITION OF LOVE AND PEACE and Kuchen.


It’s going to make me fat. I don’t care.


After we ate my roommate and K said what they were thankful for—us being together in this cabana.

I’ll be honest, I felt so sick—my head was jumbled and foggy that I just second and thirded what they said but… I was very glad to be with good friends, to be in a town unknown to me before…


BUT there was no snow!

I’m from Wisconsin… I’m used to snow. AND CHRISTMAS TREES!

Don’t get me wrong, I missed my family but I was prepared for that the moment I moved to Chile but I wasn’t prepared to miss snow or certain traditions.


It didn’t quite feel like Christmas.

DECEMBER 26TH VALDIVIA
Germantown!

We walked around early on and then caught a bus to the Kunstman Beer Factory and restaurant. Inspired more German Whoop-Whoop Pride inside me! Would really like to visit Germany.


I have been thinking mucho that I will leave at the end of February. I had a chat with my roommate about this—he was surprised.


Otherwise, I am f------ loving travel!


LAGO RANCO wasn’t my favorite but on Christmas Eve we did take a fantastic horseback ride through the mountains with HUGO! My new poppy!


He gave us beer but neither K nor my roommate could drink theirs...so I did.

We rode through the mountains for like 5 or 6 hours for diez mill or 24 dollars! Serio!


Hugo gave us the greatest hats to wear. We totally looked like the 3 Amigos.

I call Chevy Chase!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Leaving on a Jet Plane RIGHT NOW!

I know I should be packing considering I'm leaving for Tampa, Florida in just 3 hours and my ride to the airport leaves in an hour AND I haven't even showered.

But! I've never written a post just before I've left for a trip.

So here I am partially packed, drinking coffee on the floor watching the Today show in my pjs...I hope my family doesn't read this until I've already made it on the plane.

I'm not nervous. I'm excited. I'm excited because I need a break! It seems I only let myself relax when I go somewhere and even then it's subjective.

Books and swimsuit are packed. Need socks, undergaaaaaaarments and 3 cardigans and I should be good!

Mom wants to "borrow" a sailboat and some sailors and I'm going to surf and eat raw oysters.

That's 2 things on my list! Wow, I'm on a roll. If only the Great Wall of China was near Tampa I could scribble that off too.

Well I've gotta bust because now I have 43 minutes to gather the world into my suitcase and shower away the last 3 days of dance and choreography.

BTW, I can't feel my legs or neck. Oh well!

I'll be in touch.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Dead Dogs, Hitchhiking and KUCHEN! Chile Journals Dec. 23rd

DECEMBER 23RD LAGO RANCO

OMG! We went to the greatest town called COCHAMO! It is a Mecca. Believe me.


I meditated for a solid hour in front of this giant volcan. I drew a picture with stick figures but it gives a pretty solid idea.


We left COCHAMO—grudgingly, after a day and night stay. We would’ve stayed longer but we didn’t have any of our things—COCHAME was supposed to be a day visit—so we hopped a bus to RIO SUR at 6:40 a.m. GROSS!


The bus took us back to RIO SUR, to the cabin—rustic cabin. I wonder if he has running water yet? Or heat?


Anyway we hitchhiked—yep hitchhiked back to the cabin.

We actually hitchhiked part of the way to COCHAMO in the first place. We caught a ride with a semi flat bed—hopped on board and it took us to ENSENADA where we hopped a bus to COCHAMO.


You can just hop a bus to anywhere and pretty much at any time—if they are going your way or you are going there’s, they just pick you up and you pay on the bus. Everybody does it!


Anyway it was a first for me. I have never hitchhiked before and I probably would never do it in the states but here, well, sometimes you just have to go with it.


We went back to the rustic cabin and packed up. K’s friend took us back to PUERTA MONTE where we caught a bus that took us to PUERTO VARES where I had more KUCHEN!


I love KUCHEN!


Oh, in COCHAMO we found this lady, Kuchen Lady I call her. She had none made because her hands were dirty (fixing her toaster) but she said “Manana Manana!” Tomorrow morning! But we had to leave, poop.


I did not want to go; such beauty—an awe-inspiring feeling.


From PUERTO VARES we caught a bus to RIO BUENO (Good River)—wait OSORNO first—blah town and glad to leave.


Saw my first dead dog there at the bus stop in OSORNO.


On to RIO BUENO then to LAGO RANCO; a small town—bigger then COCHAMO but COCHAMO had only 70 people and for one day 3 gringos…us.


LAGO RANCO is pretty tiny though. It has two decent restaurants that served more than Completos or Churriscos or Churrianos. There are a couple of small Supermercados where we can buy some groceries.


At this moment we are planted at one of the two decent restaurants next to our CABANA(hostel)! 10 dollars a night or 5 mill—private trailer—WTF! Never find that in Valparaiso or the states.


LAGO RANCO misses the quaintness of FRUTTIOR or the remote, small town beauty and charm of COCHAMO but it’s good for what it is—which is our Christmas town.


Man if I love COCHAMO so much why the hell don’t I marry it?! Maybe I will.


FRUTTIOR was cool but we were so tired. K just laid her head on the table at the restaurant while I ate Kuchen. Of course. It was a very German town. The houses looked like Hansel and Gretel.


IN FACT, most of the South of Chile looks German including the people. Many Germans fled here before, during and after WWII.

I totally fit in cause I'm like half German! Everyone thinks I’m Chilean until of course I speak and I sound…not Chilean.


It makes me want to go to Germany though.


OH Oh! I twisted my knee jungle climbing a volcan in RIO SUR next to the rustic cabin. We also trekked to a waterfall which was more like a rapid stream with crazy exoticness—jungly fa-sure yo!


I'm thinking of Graduate schools. Still thinking of New York City, of the East Coast—of writing—of musicals. I’m so torn now.

Part—big part of me—wants to choreograph for the Spotlighters in Wisconsin, travel the East Coast, travel the Upper West and Canada, ski, write and then go to Graduate school.


On the other side of it—my roommate and I go back to Valparaiso after travel and we work on the new business. I haven’t told you about the new business. It’s confusing or at least the kinks still need to get straightened out.


Anyway I create a “homeish” situation—keep writing—get out of Valparaiso to Vina del Mar where it’s safer for me.


What do I need? What do I want? What’s important? Kuchen. Travel.


I will not leave Chile’ until the end of January, at the earliest!


What kind of job would I want if I came back? What would give me flexibility? Serving of course you dumbie.


Maybe I’ll start my intercambios and decide to stay in Chile.

LATER
I do love theater—performance—a sense of fulfillment has always come from creation of play—choreographing a play or even acting in it. It is me—why fight it? What do I run from it?


We are sitting by a wood fire in a restaurant in LAGO RANCO—I just want to take a minute to pause on that. K’s reading Poisonwood Bible, my roommate’s impatiently writing and I’m scribbling fiercely about, well, this.


1980’s Hair Band music, en ingles, blares in the background. I almost don’t notice the language barrier anymore. Almost.


If I move back it’s possible to live with various friends around the United States… Rent a room or crash on their couch and pick up a job serving somewhere.


Never stop moving.

Monday, September 12, 2011

CATS WEARING SAILOR HATS WHILE DEEP SEA FISHING?

An old adventure once poo-poo'ed is now woo-woo'ed! WOO!

Yes You Can. That's right. Yes You Can!

DO WHAT you ask?

Circumnavigate the Globe of course.

SAIL AROUND THE WORLD!

If adventure on the high seas is what you please (yes please) then join the ranks of ROUND-THE-WORLD SAILORS (RTW)!

To do it technically you must:

• pass every meridian (line of longitude)
• cover a distance of at least the Earth's circumference
• pass a pair of antipodal point

11 years ago I made a grand decision that I wanted to buy a sail boat. I even put it on my life list.

Why?

Because I can. Because I could. Because I had failed out of college. Because I gave up dance and theater.

I had nothing going for me, nothing to save for and was spending all my money on booze, delivery pizza and soda. (and bad clothes)

And, I really like water. Boats. Big boats. Small boats. The open seas. An endless blue. Freedom.

I told everyone!

Most thought it lofty, crazy or worthless. To them, sailing on a boat wasn't practical nor grownup.

I silently thought it outrageous too. But I'm a dreamer. Most of all, I'm a believer.

Others challenged that it couldn't be done; not without a team of sailors. That might've been true then but times have changed!

Recently 16-year old Australian Jessica Watson broke the record for the youngest solo and unassisted person to complete the feat of circumnavigating the world.

That means I can do it alone now if I so desire.

I don't desire though. It's always good to have a partner. I even think my roommate’s cat, Samoa, might be interested. She likes fish and she'd look good in a sailor’s hat. Just saying.

Anyway I saved all my change from every serving shift, rolled them into EE Savings Bonds and patiently waited for my future on the high seas. Of course 7 years later I cashed them in to produce my first play--a different dream realized.

But! I never forgot the sail boat. And now, TODAY, I see it as a viable adventure in my not so near but not so distant future.

It takes roughly a year to sail the world at a pleasurable, world viewing/interacting pace. Oh yes, I will interact. Oh yes, I will laugh...!

Wait, what are the laws for guns and weapons of sorts on international waters? Can I have a cannon? Plank? Dingy? I'll need a mechanic! Salt pork? Who speaks Arabic? Mandarin? Will I have cell phone service? How do you do laundry? I can deep sea fish!

There are so many questions and plans to be made.

Step One:

LEARN TO SAIL!

Friday, September 9, 2011

"NOW I STINK...I THINK" Chile Journals Dec 17th-19th

DECEMBER 17TH

K’s friend picked us up in a truck. The cab could only hold 3 people so my roommate rode in the back with the cold open wind in his face.


We would look back through the window to see his hair flapping around in the wind—he had his shades on and a huge smile. He looked awesome.


K’s friend speaks some English so I can communicate a little better with him.

LATER

RIO SUR, CHILE
K’s friend warned us that his cabin was rustic but I didn’t realize how rustic.


It’s our first day and there is no water—no running water for a shower, for the sink or toilet! No heat and contrary to belief, summer in the South of Chile’ can be a tad freaking cold.

And it was raining.


There was only one full sized bed which was fine—all 3 of us were totally in agreement to share because hell, we needed the body heat. It was freezing and there was only one blanket on the bed for all three of us.

The temperature was below 30 degrees which is fine for a Midwest girl if she is dressed appropriately. I, thinking South meant heat, was packed for the damn beach. Layering shorts upon shorts doesn’t help the rest of the leg.

DECEMBER 18TH
I have a cold.

I am taking AIRBORNE to fight it back. I blame the rain, change of temperature and lack of sleep on the bus. I'm sure the stress of our apartment didn't help.


The Landlord called us today and apologized for what happened. He said he would put extra security in our apartment. THANK GOD!


I’m not nervous. I’m fine.

But I’m glad to be here. At a rustic cabin in the South of Chile.

DECEMBER 19TH
Yesterday we walked down the dirt roads by RIO SUR (South River). It’s absolutely amazing. There are two beautiful volcans shrouded in clouds.

I saw sheep! And goats! I love goats.

My ex never wanted me to have a goat. I would tease him about getting a goat to irk him but honestly I really want one! I had them when I was a kid—ha ha—kid like baby goat “kid!” I am soooo funny.


Today we are on our way to PUERTO MONTE and then to CHILOE whatever that is. We had to get up at 630 am to catch a bus outside of the cabin.


So weird—you stand outside by these bus stops in the middle of absolute nowhere—we wondered if a bus actually came but there was an old lady waiting there too. And sure enough, at 730 that bus lumbered up full of people!


The bus ride took like 40 minutes and dropped us off right at this large bus station in Puerto Monte.


I need coffee. Does this country serve anything besides espresso and Nescafe?! Huh?! Coffee. Café. Not Americano. Not Macchiato.

Coffee.

I’m getting a little hostile.


I didn’t brush my teeth today. I always brush my teeth.

There was no safe water left and no time to make any. We can't drink the water at the cabin unless we boil it in the tea kettle because the minerals are so harsh.


I haven’t showered in a couple of days either.

It’s kind of weird. I used to shower every day. Now I stink…I think. I can’t tell anymore.


Como sea! (Whatever!)

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

We Were Lost in the Woods!

"I'm taking you to Grundy's Canyon. It's different and fun and way closer than the North Shore because you've never been there. You'll see, Nerissa," Jessica states.

Okay. I'm ready to see.

I've never been to the Blue Hills. Sad, I know.

Three hours later we are wandering around the forest...LOST! One cell phone dead (mine), one on limited signal and a flashlight.

The sun is setting.

We find the trail that leads us back. Wait, is this the right trail? I thought it was skinnier. I don't remember the grass being this high. We hear cars in the distance.

EW! SLUG! THERE'S A SLUG ON ME! SLUG! It's not a worm but it's the same as a worm, just a midget cousin.

Is that rain?

Duke, her black lab, is bounding through the brush and whizzing through and on the grass. He's happy.

I'm...a little concerned.

It's around 6:30 now. We turn around and retrace the trail. Up and down the canyon we go. She calls her brother.

"Yes we are lost. No lie," She spouts.

I hear him laughing. But he's sweet and offers to drive over and honk his horn on the road. If that doesn't work, he says we should go back to waterfall.

Oh yes, I didn't even mention the waterfall. It was beautiful. But not where I wanted to be spending the night.

Jessica starts to freak a little. She does not want to spend the night in woods. I shrug.

"You know, not all of us are part mountain goat like you!" she bellows while hiking ahead of me.

I SQUEALED! Oh my cheese and rice did I laugh. Jessica can be funny. She doesn't think so, BUT that was quick.

All I can think about is the bear poop we saw at the beginning of the trail. Play dead right? I'm not that tasty anyway bear!

But if spending the night in the woods is what has to happen, then we better start thinking about where to land ourselves cause we need to conserve energy. We have no food, water and at this point shelter. Our pants are soaked to our knees and COVERED IN SLUGS...I'm fine.

I have Kleenex/toilet paper that I brought with because of my tiny bladder and um, Chapstick.

I wasn't prepared and I totally know better.

Now we are splitting off from each other. One stays put on the trail while the other checks out possibilities while keeping each other in eyesight. Make sense? It does. But it won't matter soon because it's getting dark.

We find a clearing. It reminds me of Colorado. I told her that this is where you would see a moose. It's about all the useful information I have right now.

I've never been here. I don't even know how these woods/hills are situated in relationship to North/South/East or West. I know we came in on the West/North side but maybe once you are in the hills they expand and what I thought was the farthest North was just a trail head--the beginning--the tip!

So far she has been leading the way. But the way is now us on the same trail walking back and forth but getting nowhere. Finally, I get frustrated.

I start stomping forward on the first trail we started walking on; the trail where we could hear the cars. I tell her we are following this until we get out. It's a wide trail, made by a trailer or tractor. It had to originate somewhere.

I don't care if we end up in some farmers field or on the other side of the hills we are walking this trail until we can't see anymore!

10 minutes later we see a clearing! A meadow! A moose meadow. With no moose.

Jessica is picking berries because they are FRESH BERRIES NERISSA she says emphatically. And plus if we need to spend the night, we need something to eat. I patted my stuffed I.B.S. belly saying, "That's something I don't need to worry about."

The trees are thinning out. The trail is wider. The grass IS STILL HIGH AND COVERED WITH SLUGS...I refuse to freak out.

And there are the fields. The open fields we walked through to get here. BEAR POOP! The bear poop I saw. The sun is almost set. It's 7:25 p.m. We were going to see a play at the Red Barn Theater that night.

We call her brother. No need to honk. We found the trail. Jessica picks an apple as we walk out.

I'm picking slugs and other things off my pants. Jessica has changed into old sweats from her trunk.

We are starving.

The point of this blog post is to say WE ARE SORRY WE MISSED YOUR PLAY STEVE DEMARS, we were lost in the woods.

And...I hate slugs.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Help I'm in a Nutshell?

If I schedule one more moment in my life I'm going to FREAK.

On that note I'm taking off in true Compulsive Traveler form, without a FREAKING plan. If I hit the border (Canada) I've probably gone too far as in time wise, but in mind wise, I'd say it's not far enough.

I just need space. I need freedom. I need nature. Trees. Clouds. Water. Most of all I just need a chance to breathe and enjoy. I've done so many big things lately--big things being relative to me and what's important, and these things were and ARE important. Yet I'm running, pushing so fast to the next thing I'm not even giving myself a chance to be proud or relieved. I'm just...ON TO THE NEXT!

I'm feeling suffocated by my schedule. Heck by the accomplishments because once one is done, I know the next is right at it's heels or piggybacked on. Again I have no one to blame, except myself...

So I'm going to do what I do best, run away. If only for the day, I'm taking a temporary vacation of the brain and going to the North Shore...or wherever I end up.

Me and Fanny (Ford Fusion) are in need of an adventure together anyway...she hasn't been broken in yet. Maybe we will meet a nice biker gang or trucker? Maybe I could tour a haunted mansion or prison? Eat at Perkins? Feed seagulls?

I don't mind seagulls.

Okay! Time to bust out of my nut shell. (Help I'm in a nutshell?)

See you Wednesday.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

"HOODLUMS and HEADLESS STATUES" Chile Journals Tues-Dec.16th

TUESDAY
I walked around the cemetery in Valparaiso today. Alone! It’s so old and beautiful. On the top of a hill. Old tombs. Families live together forever or at least their bodies do…

Beautiful but WTF is up with all the headless statues? Apparently no matter the country; kids, hoodlums, whoever still feel the need to kick a head off.

DECEMBER 15TH
Today, I feel old. I’m not old but I am not 21 either.

Last night we drank. Oh did we drink! Beer. Amaretto Sours…MY FAVORITE and it was good, until, tequila. 3 shots, closely in a row, and I remember some intense discussion—not even sure what it was about—wait, Progressive Movement? I wonder what I was saying? Was I winning the discussion? I don’t know anything about the Progressive Movement!


Anyway, I suddenly stood up, cleared off the nearest comfy silla and curled up. And eventually wobbled and weaved down the stairs and crashed in my bed.


I know I threw up at some point and passed out. Splat—end of night.

DECEMBER 16TH
We leave for the South of Chile’ today.


It’s an impromptu trip in a way—no plans of where to stay or where to go. Apparently the bussing system makes it easy. I don’t know I’ve never done this before. I’m not even sure where we are going.


My roommate and new travel friend K throw around names but I don’t remember them. It’s a jumble of Spanish and I admittedly feel overwhelmed.

LATER
They broke in—or tried to break in to our apartment. We came home from buying our bus tickets to find the metal door covering ripped open and a piece of waded up cardboard shoved into our 2nd door with crowbar marks etched into the door and door wall.

My passport and all my money were in the apartment.


We are packing up everything. One suitcase goes to the South of Chile (Sur) and everything else worth money or meaning is being shoved into leftover suitcases and given to our friend R for safe keeping while we are gone.


The rest they can steal for all I care.


R showed up. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her. It would’ve been nice to talk to her.


My roommate is shaken up. He needed a hug. I don’t want to be touched.


Whatever. Time to go to the South.

LATER
It’s a 9 hour bus ride from Santiago to Puerto Vares. K’s friend is picking us up from the bus station and is letting us stay at his cabin for free in Rio Sur. I don’t know him but K assures he is nice.


It’s nice to be on the bus. There are around 20 people. The curtains are closed and all that is heard is the purr of the road. There is an attendant—a cute attendant but I’m pretty sure he’s around 18.

They said that we get a supper since it’s an overnight bus. He gave me the package and inside was a large crunchy cookie, a fruit cup and a two SPRIM juice boxes. SPRIM…haha.


K and my roommate are sprawled out ahead of me. The seats are huge. It’s comfortable. It’s safe here.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

"THE DAYS BLEND" Chile Journals December 11-?

DECEMBER 11, 2009
Coffee. Need coffee. REAL COFFEE PLEASE! Dogs bark. Children laughing and playing. Necessito el café. Do not feel so good today.


Was thinking about covering spots of Valpo. Like traipsing all over—buying map and checking the whole area out. Maybe writing about it.


Need a job though to sustain myself. I’ve only been here 8 days though. OMG YES! THE COFFEE’S DONE!

LATER THAT DAY
Walked up the HOP three times yesterday! Still winds me every time. My butt feels tired. I don’t worry about people trying to mug me on the HOP anymore because everyone is just trying to make it up it too.—the HOP is a HOP to everyone.

DECEMBER 12
So I’ve been sick—in bed all day yesterday—my intestines—unhappy with me. I slept most of the day.


NYC and upstate—that is something I think about here. Graduate school at NYU—living in those crazy, little towns on the East coast.

Boy those dogs just howl. I’ve started to not notice them as much—they are more a lulling to sleep then a disturbance.


I have to remember that the point of coming here was because “I can!” and because I’m going to be 30 soon and it’s on the LIFE LIST.

SATURDAY DEC. ?
I have lost track of days strangely enough. It doesn’t seem to matter as much here. No job to make me remember.


Today we are going rock climbing on a practice wall. It’s safe. It is. I’m super freaking excited!


Oh, I planted a palm tree today. I’m mixing coffee grounds and their awful dry soil—let’s see if it works.

LATER THAT DAY
I did go rock climbing today! It was fab! I had a terrible potty mouth.

We did have to sneak in to the climbing wall/rock. We took some crazy hike to get there, but man was it beautiful. Huge cliffs, grassy knolls and a blue sky overhead. Perfecto.

SUNDAY DEC.? DAY AFTER SATURDAY AND VOTING DAY!
Voting day is not like voting day in the US! People take their voting seriously and if they don’t, they pay a fine! No lie! If you are registered to vote you have to vote for every election and if you don’t you are fined. If for some reason you can’t vote you must write a letter beforehand explaining why.


I don’t know if I would register then. It would have to be something that I was terribly passionate about to push me forward otherwise I like to be left alone and I do not, I repeat do not, like being told what to do and when to do it.


The night before VOTING DAY and the day of, everything shuts down! All bars, restaurants, supermarkets—you freaking name it. My roommate and I did not realize this… which meant we did not have much food for our house warming party. Oops!


Many people invited couldn’t make it to the house warming party either because they were having family celebrations for voting day. They all wait and celebrate or cry together.


The house warming party was half English speakers and half Spanish. I felt lost. Many of the English speakers spoke fluent or at had a certain amount of Spanish comprehension so I spent much of the time in silence. It’s my own fault. I really thought I knew Spanish before I came but I was wrong.

I was glad for the party to end. Like they say, you can be in a room full of people and just feel so utterly alone. I did. It sucked. I thought it would be more like my going away party from my first trip but I guess not.

But on a side note, at one point during the party I said, “I love butter. I would slap it on my thighs—roll around it and yes, marry it.”

What the heck is wrong with me? Was I so desperate for attention that I just said the most outlandish thing I could think of… I do love butter though and if I could marry it and not get sick or fat, I would.

MONDAY
Feel sick. Butter does not love me.